b e l i e f s

no matter what i believe in, or what i support, i have stood up for it. and in the process i have been insulted because of it, it does not matter. because at the end of the day, it is not between me and them, it is between them and God.

no. i do not pretend to be holy or know what is right in God's eyes. and no, telling the world what is wrong or right is not judging, merely stating a fact. i would've thought if those who are open minded about a lot of things would be open minded about different opinions and beliefs as well. but no. the world is the same place from the beginning of time till now. when people doesn't agree with us does it mean they are against us? you talk about discrimination against homosexuals but what about discrimination against those who speak out different views on it?

the US supreme court has legalised gay marriages and i do not support it. that is the stand i make and since there is freedom of choice and speech, i, too have the right to stand up for what i believed in. 

Story of a girl

She was only two or three when her parents left her at the babysitter's for a week or two as they have some things to do. Maybe if they had explain to her that they will be back for her things wouldn't be so bad. But who'd have thought a two-year old would understand right. Everyday she'd stand by the window and look outside, waiting for her parents to come. She'd dream about them, wondering why they're still not there to pick her up. Sometimes she'd cry, especially when the babysitter joked that her parents don't want her anymore. But a toddler take things very seriously. She thought it was true.

Years after, the little girl was about four or five. She and her sisters' bedroom was adjoining to their parents' so every time her mom woke up early to go to the market, she'd wake up as well and asked to go together. Maybe partly it was because she wanted to accompany her mom, but mostly because she wanted to make sure her mom will return after her marketing. There was once she woke up just in time to hear her mom's car drove out of the driveway and she tore down the stairs after her mom so that at least she'll be able to go with her but alas it was too late. The car was gone and she was devastated. Crying, not knowing what to do, she waited outside for her mom to return, praying that she'll return. And even though she felt like peeing she daren't go inside but let it out by the drain in the house just in case her mom comes back. When finally her mom came back, asking her why was she out there, the little girl just replied, "I was waiting for you"

Years after, when the little girl was in kindergarten, and when she went for her piano lessons, always her mom will face one problem every time she dropped her off. The little girl will cry and clung on to her mom everyday every time just because she was afraid that her mom will leave her there and won't come back for her anymore. 

Years after, when the girl was eleven or twelve, she had a terrible nightmare. She woke up in bed, sweating all over, and feeling bad for the quarrel with her mom earlier. She felt so sorry, and was suddenly afraid what if her mom was gone forever, she would never have the chance to take care of her and make her mom happy. And so she close her eyes tight and prayed to God with all her heart, that He will give her time. Time to take care of her mom as her mom is getting older. 

Years after, when the girl was in college, far from home and family, feeling homesick, she prayed to God once again to give her time. Time to take care of her mom as her mom is getting older.

Years after, when the girl was working, far from home and family, she woke up suddenly to a dream about her family. Remembering suddenly all these years her prayer to God to give her time so that she could take care of her mom as she is getting old, she came to a decision. A decision for the first time in her life she decided on her own without anyone interfering. She will quit her job and go home. Back to where her family is, to take care of them. 

After all, careers can be rebuild. But those whom you love when they are gone they will be gone forever. And the girl who had grown from a toddler to a woman realized that once more, praying to God to give her time, she will go back to her family before time runs out and she has only her regrets to live with. 

i know who holds tomorrow

it wasn't much, but it meant a lot to me, today's 'incident'.

i was all ready downstairs waiting for my friend to pick me up for church and seeing that he wasn't there i sorta kinda had a feeling he overslept, and he did. mass was at 6pm and he reached my place ard 5.45pm what with the possibility of jam and normal journey to church usually takes ard 15 mins with free traffic, i had succumb to the thought that i'd be late for mass.

as i was on the way, i imagine telling myself that probably i'll be walking in after the entrance hymn or so and my mind screamed at the idea of missing it. yes there might be no seats in front for me, or i might miss the prayer before mass, or the angelus, but to sing the hymns in mass was one of my favourite mass moments and i prayed that the Lord would somehow let me be in time.

so when i reach church it was ard 6.05pm and i knew im late for everything. but driving in, seeing the servers still outside, my heart just gave a disbelief leapt of joy. truly the Lord is kind to me and He knows me and loves me so much that today, mass started late. i hurried in and (yes! there's a seat for me at my favourite place! unbelievable!) said a Our Father and seconds later mass started.

at that exact moment, i had a feeling that God was waiting for me. He knows i'm coming, He knows i'm late, He knows i don't want to miss anything, and i didn't. i said the angelus before mass, i sang the entrance hymn before mass, and i had a seat at my favourite place.

they say God takes care of everything, do not worry about tomorrow, and i always said the same things to others but today, God has proven to me, that there is totally no need for me to worry even to the smallest details in life because, as i was praying so hard for enlightenment of what should i do for my future, where should i go, now, i worry no more.

because now, i know who holds tomorrow, and i know who holds my hand.